Writing not smoking
Sobriety: A writer's way home
Category: Uncategorized
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I think the only downside I’ve noticed in sobriety is a dip in my creative output. But then I remember how many years I spent sitting on “brilliant ideas” that never saw daylight because I was too stoned to follow through. Too foggy. Too bored. Too convinced that thinking about creating was the same as…
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I’ll start us off on a high, thank fuck 2025 is behind us. The Year of the Fire Horse has a much better ring to it than the Year of the Wood Snake – though it can’t be denied I lived every second of the last year to its absolute limit. I like astrology. I…
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Picture this: my pregnant belly is popping, my breasts are unexpectedly perky, and I’m standing on the outdoor furniture, holding a bottle of 0% beer aloft. Cheers to triple digits. In the past 100 days of sobriety, I’ve surrendered to my Higher Power, leaned into the chaos of raw, unfiltered existence, learned to trust my…
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I’m slow to write here. Partly because it feels like nobody’s reading, and partly because writing about sobriety still makes me cringe. It can feel self-serving. Whiny. Like narrating my own discomfort when no one asked. But today mattered. Today I sat down and completed Step Two: I came to believe that a power greater…
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I’d be lying if I said I’m not depressed. Being back in my hometown feels like walking through a museum of my old selves. Every couch I crashed on, every fridge I raided at 2a.m, every person who ever loved me back is still here – smiling at me, but with that quiet fear behind…
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Sixty days without smoking. A pretty neat milestone.But I’m not out of the woods just yet. Temptation has a new face now that I’m living with my parents. We’re on the coast, where I used to smoke all day, every day, on every corner.My dad drinks a bottle of wine every night while I sit…
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It’s almost anticlimactic, being here now. In a funny way, I can’t imagine ever wanting to smoke cannabis again – not after knowing how my body feels here compared to back then. I’ve spent most of my life in active addiction – weed, alcohol, sex, and the love of other addicts – and all the…
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It’s been 45 days since I quit smoking weed. Honestly I’m not doing that “well”, I’m unhappy – but at least I’m able to admit I’m not okay. I’m doing everything to get back on track and figure out this life thing without the “aid” of weed to do so. Daily exercise, journalling, praying, attending…
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I’m approaching my fortieth night of sobriety in the literal desert – the cerrado – and today temptation spun its rotten web. It came disguised as a test, maybe a tease from my ex, or better yet, a lesson from my higher power. I was sorting through my final packing boxes, preparing to leave Brazil,…
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Today I deep-cleaned my fridge and had an epiphany. It’s been thirty-seven days since I quit smoking weed, and lately I’ve been feeling waves of judgment – toward myself, toward others, toward life in general. The kind of negativity I used to smoke away, drink away, or fuck away. I used to think I was…
Writing not smoking 