Writing not smoking
Sobriety: A writer's way home
Category: Uncategorized
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It’s been 45 days since I quit smoking weed. Honestly I’m not doing that “well”, I’m unhappy – but at least I’m able to admit I’m not okay. I’m doing everything to get back on track and figure out this life thing without the “aid” of weed to do so. Daily exercise, journalling, praying, attending…
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I’m approaching my fortieth night of sobriety in the literal desert – the cerrado – and today temptation spun its rotten web. It came disguised as a test, maybe a tease from my ex, or better yet, a lesson from my higher power. I was sorting through my final packing boxes, preparing to leave Brazil,…
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Today I deep-cleaned my fridge and had an epiphany. It’s been thirty-seven days since I quit smoking weed, and lately I’ve been feeling waves of judgment – toward myself, toward others, toward life in general. The kind of negativity I used to smoke away, drink away, or fuck away. I used to think I was…
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I started this blog to replace smoking with writing, but lately night falls and I just mope.Depressed, wrapped up in my own fog, trying not to be so hard on myself. Before sobriety, most of this year was spent adapting to a place that never felt like home.Work was harder to find than I imagined,…
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The symptoms of withdrawal mix uneasily with pregnancy: night sweats, mood swings, that familiar sense of dread, four-hour sleep cycles, fatigue, weight gain, food aversions. Tonight my mum told me I should write a will before my due date, in case I die in childbirth and need to relocate custody. She’s paranoid, but she’s right.…
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It’s tough out here. The rainy season is overdue by weeks, and I spend most of my days lying under the fan, naked, waiting for night to fall. Today I am grateful to be sober – though I’ll admit, I still crave something to take the edge off. In place of green, wine, or cigarettes,…
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Today I attended my first MA meeting for addict mothers — and it filled my cup. One concern that surfaced was how I’ll stay clean once my body is no longer a vehicle for a life beyond my own. I can already sense that to stay connected to my higher power, I’ll need to outsmart…
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Today, I put my foot down. I asked my boyfriend to move out of my apartment. I packed up everything that belonged to him and placed it neatly by the door for him to collect in the morning. I am done. Of course, we’ll still need to co-parent. I won’t stand in the way of…
Writing not smoking 